No one knows until they have been there how hurtful it can be when someone you grew up with all your life shuts you out of theirs. And now? Am I suppose to walk away and pretend nothing is wrong? Shouldn't I deserve a reason as to why they are acting this way? I feel I do - you see they went three years and didn't speak until our mom passed away and they apologized and all was well or so I thought! And now here we go again... Silence, pass right by you as if you were not there! Well I am human, I have feelings and if I am responsible for your feelings toward me - give me a reason why!!! I do deserve that much. Life is too short to worry about petty mess as this yet I don't understand! We had been fine and all of a sudden bam...We have lost loved ones time and time again since our mom left us in 2000 and it hurts to know we are in the same room and never speak, I have tried to talk to him and he acts as if I am not there - everybody sees this, they are not blind or are they? We are brother and sisters, what is the meaning of this? Why is he like this?
January 15th, a few days ago, we lost yet another loved one and of course there he came in to pay his respects. As he greeted our older sister and her brother-in-law, he turned his head away from me as I spoke and I am standing right there just as if he didn't see me. Oh how bad it hurts and I don't know exactly how to deal with this... It is so easy for people to tell me not to worry about it, especially when it is my sister and she is not going through this stupid mess!!!****************************
Okay, so I have made my mind up - if he feels this way and wants to shut me out of his life - so be it, I can't make him care about me. There are a lot of things I would love to say to him but I won't - I give up! Right now this is the way I feel and hope he will see this one day - because right now if something happens to me I don't want him come around - if he can't talk to me or come around me now while I am breathing, I don't need him there after I am gone! So there!!!
Before I Go…
I’d love to know how you felt
As you paid your last respects
To someone we knew all our lives
Do you really feel the effects?
Death will come to us all
Would you be there for me?
After all, you’re my brother
Everyone will see…
They don’t know how you’ve shunned me
You’ve shut me out of your life
I’m not sure I even know why
Will I know in the afterlife?
It really hurts as you walk by
Hugging your two sisters as you meet
Why you even turn your head
When I pass you on the street –
Why can’t you be a man?
Talk to me in an honest way
You know so many watches you
As you put me on display!
So many have asked me why
You walk past me like you do
I’ve always shrugged my shoulders
‘Cause I don’t know what I did to you…
Before I go just one more thing
I’m sorry how you feel
When I close my eyes in death
Just keep your feelings real…
Your Sister, Tip
1/18/10
I’d love to know how you felt
As you paid your last respects
To someone we knew all our lives
Do you really feel the effects?
Death will come to us all
Would you be there for me?
After all, you’re my brother
Everyone will see…
They don’t know how you’ve shunned me
You’ve shut me out of your life
I’m not sure I even know why
Will I know in the afterlife?
It really hurts as you walk by
Hugging your two sisters as you meet
Why you even turn your head
When I pass you on the street –
Why can’t you be a man?
Talk to me in an honest way
You know so many watches you
As you put me on display!
So many have asked me why
You walk past me like you do
I’ve always shrugged my shoulders
‘Cause I don’t know what I did to you…
Before I go just one more thing
I’m sorry how you feel
When I close my eyes in death
Just keep your feelings real…
Your Sister, Tip
1/18/10
*******************************
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